If there’s one dream I keep having about current politics, it goes like this: I’m driving in Manhattan across 86th Street and I stop for a red light at 3rd Avenue. Two old men come up to my car, obviously homeless guys, and each one starts cleaning a side of my front window.
The light turns green, the two old geezers hold out their hands waiting for me to drop each of them a quarter, and I glance up – Holy Shit! – it’s Rudy and Trump!
It could happen, you know. Like Hawthorne said, “Families are always rising and falling in America.”
Rudy’s already in the tank, financially speaking, because he filed for bankruptcy after he was ordered to pay the Georgia election workers $148 million in defamation suit. Trump could wind up in the same situation because he needs to come up with $455 million and change to cover what he owes Letitia James in the New York lawsuit.
Things could get better for both of them, but things could also get worse. Giuliani is still owed $2 million from the Trump campaign for legal fees charged when he was representing Trump in all those phony ‘vote fraud’ cases after the 2020 vote, and he’s facing more lawsuits from Hunter Biden and Dominion voting systems which have yet to be heard.
As for Trump, God knows how many lawsuits are piling up out there against him, never mind what he could owe if he’s found guilty in the criminal cases where he’s been charged, and the penalties involve not only possible jail time but fines as well.
So, the first question we need to answer is this: Where would Trump and Giuliani live if they couldn’t afford to pay rent? There’s a big homeless population which sleeps in the New York Central tunnel that runs alongside the Hudson River below 72nd Streer on the West Side, but Trump and Giuliani are East Side guys.
Maybe they could pitch a tent next to the Wollman skating rink in Central Park, which Trump’s company used to operate but that contract ended in 2020 and has no chance of being renewed. Or better yet, maybe Rudy and Donnie can sleep in the monkey house of the Central Park Zoo, assuming that someone will let them into the zoo after it shuts down at night.
In 1934, the former Governor of New York, Al Smith, was made the Honorary Night Zookeeper of the Central Park Zoo because he had been instrumental in putting together the funding to renovate the site. Smith was given a set of keys and would occasionally let himself onto the zoo property to walk around and visit some of the animals at night.
I can just see Trump setting up a little kiosk outside the elephant house at the zoo where he can sell his MAGA crap. And even better would be if he and Rudy would offer to autograph a MAGA hat or shirt for a couple of extra bucks.
The truth is that Trump went into electoral politics because it represented a new market where he could build his brand. He couldn’t copyright his name because it was in the public domain, but he owns the MAGA logo and so far the dough he receives whenever someone buys a MAGA hat, or a t-shirt ends up in his pocket.
On the other hand, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe MAGA is no different from any other business venture which Trump can’t operate for the next three years. All the more reason why he and Rudy could be wiping off my windshield as I wait for the light to change at 86th and 3rd.
Better yet, maybe some guy who showed up here from Pakistan or Zimbabwe and now owns a gas station and repair shop on Queens Boulevard will offer Trump and Rudy eight bucks an hour to pump gas, their salaries also including a free cot to sleep on in the spare toilet out back.
Perfect, simply perfect. Some guy who can’t even speak English operates a very nice cash business which gives him enough money to bring in all those other ‘illegals’ from the other side. Meanwhile, a former President and his attorney wind up, as Grandpa would say, in ‘drerd,’ (read: the shithole.)
Hey – wait just one goddamn minute! Didn’t Trump and Giuliani’s new boss come from one of those shitholes a few years ago?
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